August 3: Idiot Letter Day

On this date in 1993, one of the most hilarious missives in the history of letter writing was sent to an American corporation. Before we look at the letter, let's look at the history of how it came to be written.

In July of 1993 Paul Rosa received a piece of junk mail that changed his life. It was a brief letter from Pizza Hut's delivery unit saying that they had not received an order from Rosa's address in a long time. The letter from the Vice-president of Pizza Hut marketing reminded Rosa of the quality, variety, and value of Pizza Hut pizza. It might have been just another piece of junk mail, but one line in the letter resonated with Rosa. It said: "You see, you're the kind of customer we'd like to see more often." Rosa wrote back a letter to Pizza Hut asking "What kind of customer wouldn't you like to see more often?"

This first letter started a letter-writing campaign that went on for months, covering more than 100 different corporations. Rosa's mission statement was: Since American corporations are treating their customers like idiots, "while reaching for their wallets," I am going to get even by writing them letters in which I act like an idiot.

The letters from Rosa's "kamikaze consumer crusade" were published in 1995 in the book Idiot Letters: One Man's Relentless Assault on Corporate America.

The following is the letter that Rosa sent to Oil-Dri Corporation of America the makers of Cat's Pride Premium Cat Litter on August 3, 1993.

Dear Cat Lovers,

For the first ten years of my cat's life, it was a living hell trying to get her to use her litter box! Whenever she would get the call from nature (night or day), she would howl until someone would let her out. Needless to say, this made my wife (Vicki) and I extremely angry, as we were often woken from a sound slumber, or interrupted during...Matlock. We tried many litter boxes (circular, octagonal, etc.) and brands of cat litter, but she simply refused to cooperate. We were actually tempted to give her away, but simply love her too much -- she was a gift from my mother (Irene).

This all changed a few months ago when, at wits' end, we tried Cat's Pride on the suggestion of a friend (Max). Well, we were delighted, nay ecstatic, when Jesse - without hesitation - stepped into the litter box and "unloaded." After ten years of treating her box like it was filled with glass chips, we finally found something she likes! And her attitude hasn't changed! Since that day she has ventured to the basement on a daily basis to fulfill her duty. The increased cleaning chores on our part are quite acceptable, considering the time now saved from letting her in and out and in and out and .... I don't know what's in that stuff, but it has done the impossible: changed the lifestyle of a ten year old cat (70 to you and me)! Yippee!

The only thing I thought was a bit odd was the name "CAT'S PRIDE." I can understand that your corporation would be proud of this cat litter, but a cat? When Jesse is heaving and straining in her box, I don't thing pride is one of her sentiments. In fact I don't think cats are proud of anything at all, ever! So, why did you choose this name? It seems wrong to suggest what cats are "feeling" without offering any proof. Isn't that dishonest?

In conclusion, I am thrilled with your product - it's a godsend - but must take exception to the misleading name. Would you be so kind as to get back to me on this subject matter? In the meantime, I'd be honored to recommend "Cat's Pride" to my friends!

Feline Fine,

Paul C. Rosa

To their credit, the makers of Cat's Pride answered Rosa's letter and even sent along some money saving coupons.

Today's Challenge: Going Postal
Letter writing is a lost art in an age of telephones and email, but there are few more thoughtful ways to communicate with another person. Paul Rosa wrote to get his questions answered. What question would you like to have answered? Look around you, ask questions, and then write a letter to someone who might be able to answer your question. Write a idiot letter like Paul Rosa or a serious letter.

As a reminder, even humorous letters like Rosa's follow a format. Here are the key parts of a letter:

1. Heading with your name and address
2. Date
3. Inside Address: name and address of the recipient of the letter
4. Salutation ("Dear Mr. Smith")
5. Body of Letter
6. Complimentary Closing ("Sincerely")
7. Your Signature

Quotes of the Day:

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. - Mark Twain

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. -- Albert Einstein

1 - Rosa, Paul. Idiot Letters: One Man's Relentless Assault on Corporate America. New York: Doubleday, 1995