Revision With Anaphora

Today in class I showed students the following two versions of the same passage. Previously they had written on the following prompt: In a crisis, is it best to act quickly and instinctively, or should you slow down and be more careful and deliberate? I asked students to read the passages and identify the anaphora (see Anaphora Day: August 28). I then asked:


Does the anaphora in Version 2 make it better or worse than Version 1?

Version 1
In a crisis, immediate, instinctive action is not always the best alternative because as humans we should capitalize on our evolutionary advantage: our ability to think and deliberate before acting. Certainly time is an issue. If you are Peyton Manning and a 300 pound opponent is about to squash you, there is no time to stop and deliberate; instead, you must act immediately. However, the best players, like Peyton Manning don’t use just instinct. They spend the time they have before a game planning, thinking, deliberating, studying film, and anticipating what they will do when the opponent is blitzing. It’s this kind of planning that gives them the advantage come game time. They have used the time allotted and their brain power to its full advantage. It is this careful planning and thinking that separates us from animals and that separates the great athletes, CEOs, generals, and presidents from the average ones. It was the great Dallas Cowboy quarterback Roger Staubach who said, “Spectacular achievements are always preceded by unspectacular preparation.” Deliberate planning and thinking is not always as flashy and impressive as decisive, immediate action, but it is, in the long-run, more important.

Version 2
In a crisis, immediate, instinctive action is not always the best alternative because as humans we should capitalize on our evolutionary advantage: our ability to think and to deliberate before acting. Certainly time is an issue. If you are Peyton Manning and a 300 pound opponent is about to squash you, there is no time to stop and deliberate; instead, you must act immediately. However, the best players, like Peyton Manning, don’t use just instinct. They spend the time they have before a game carefully planning and carefully thinking and carefully deliberating and carefully studying film and carefully anticipating what they will do when the opponent is blitzing. It’s this kind of planning that gives them the competitive advantage come game time. They have used the time allotted and their brain power to its full advantage. It is this careful planning and thinking that separates us from animals and that separates the great athletes, great CEOs, great generals, and great presidents from the average ones. Hall of Fame quarterback Dallas Cowboy quarterback Roger Staubach said, “Spectacular achievements are always preceded by unspectacular preparation.” Deliberate planning and thinking is not always as flashy and impressive as decisive, immediate action, but it is, in the long-run, more important.


Students' comments about the passages helped to illustrate the kinds of questions that writers ask as they revise. Some students felt that the anaphora in Version 2 was a bit over-done. They preferred the second use of it in "great athletes . . . " over the first use of it in "carefully planning . . . ." Some did notice, however, that the "carefully planning" sentence shows how form can follow function. Repeating the word "carefully" as well as the word "and" slows down the sentence, which echoes the writer's point: don't act swiftly -- slow down and take your time. My goal here was to show that rhetorical devices like anaphora aren't just decorations. Instead they are tools that writers use for a purpose -- the right tool helps the writer accomplish his goal, just as the right rhetorical device helps the writer make his point.